I'm as cuddly as a cactus

Confession: I don't like Christmas.  It's my least favorite holiday, not just because I have a grinch-like personality, but also because 1. I'm not Christian so I don't see why I'm supposed to celebrate it   2.  I hate excessive American consumerism and 3. all it means for me personally is running around to 3-4 different houses in one day to fulfill familial obligations, and I firmly believe that holidays should be relaxing.


So, I was slightly annoyed when I had to wait 4 hours to use my kitchen this evening because it was filled with older women bickering with each other over the proper way to mash potatoes (by hand, with a masher, or with an electric mixer).  I had lots of vegan cooking to do if I wanted to have fancy food to eat for Christmas (and, while I'm not a huge fan of Xmas, I am a fan of vegan feasts, and I'm definitely NOT a fan of watching other people gorge on animal products while I have nothing tasty to eat).  I began prepping my food in the kitchen only to get all but kicked out, because it's tricky to cook when literally every single kitchen utensil is commandeered by one of two crazy old ladies..... even though I started cooking first.

I found myself up until 1am finishing my tasty vegan menu (traveling to 3 different places to celebrate Xmas leaves me little time to actually cook on Xmas day).   On my 4th glass of wine, I realized that cooking was getting more and more challenging, but in the end I hope it'll be worth it.

The menu:

Cinnamon rolls (for xmas morning)
Butternut squash and apple soup
Cashew nut roast with sage and onion stuffing
Quinoa salad with tomatoes, basil, and chickpeas
Pumpkin chocolate chip cookies

I think my Mom may also prepare one batch of green beans with margarine instead of butter, so I can eat them.  She's so flexible and concerned that I have something to eat (for those of you who need the clarification, yes that was sarcastic).   I love her anyway though.

The items I picked to make were somewhat laborious, and definitely pricey.   In fact, my check-card was declined at Safeway this afternoon when I spent over $100 on groceries, and I stood at the check out line feeling embarrassed that I had no other way to pay.   Before I left for the grocery store, I had logged into my bank account online and intended to transfer money from savings to checking, knowing I'd be spending alot of money on dishes that required a plethora of ingredients.

I stood at the register, insisting to the cashier that this made no sense; it obviously wasn't her fault but we needed to call my bank or something.

"I just checked my bank account before coming here.  In fact I transferred money into my account just in case!"

I had the pleasure of calling my mom and asking her to come to the grocery store and pay my $70 grocery bill (I paid the first 30 in cash), and her thinking I was a moron for not managing my money well.

Shortly after calling her, I realized I have a somewhat smart-phone, and logged in to check my bank account online.   I quickly realized the problem; my absent-minded self transferred money from checking to savings instead of the other way around, leaving a mere $20 in my checking account.   I fixed the problem almost instantly (yay, internet!), explained to the manager that I'm a moron, and he laughed, allowed me to pay my bill and take my food and leave.  Undoubtedly his impression of me went from deadbeat to ditzy spoiled moron in 2 seconds flat. I'm actually not sure which impression I'd prefer people have of me, though I was glad to have my overpriced goods.

For my first vegan Christmas, I feel a decent amount of pressure to show my relatives that being vegan doesn't mean I don't eat, and in fact I eat alot of tasty dishes.   How does Christmas become about dispelling myths about veganism instead of Jesus, loved ones, and Santa? 

Easy.  I'm a heathen.

Before you finish reading this post with the impression that I'm a grinch with a heart 3 sizes too small (or is it 2 sizes...?), tonight I helped my sisters type up letters to Santa.

My 11 year old sister (yes, she still believes in Santa) typed a letter essentially saying "Dear Santa, Thanks for stopping by, but we have alot of relatives and alot of gifts here already, I don't think we need much more.  Enjoy the cookies!"  I teared up (yes, literally) at her selflessness, though I remembered shortly after that she's manipulative and it could all be a ploy to get Santa, admiring her lack of greed, to leave her MORE stuff.

My 8 year old sister left a slightly bossier note, one that I typed up for her and debated whether to point out to her that it was rude (I didn't). 

"Dear Santa,

I hope you traveled safe.   I just wanted to let you know that Stephanie's old stocking is now MY stocking, because Mom said that Stephanie doesn't need presents from Santa any more because she's grown.   And Stephanie's old stocking matches Rachel's better than my old stocking, so I'm taking Stephanie's.  You might not know it, but last year you kind of messed up and switched Rachel and Stephanie's stockings.  Make sure you put Rachel's gifts in the Moose stocking and mine in the Teddy Bear stocking.  Also, I hope you brought me what I wanted..... a dress.

Your friend,
Jordan"

Children's notes to Santa make my heart grow at least 1 size.  I'm slightly less grinchy now.