Tips for the Westboro Baptist Church

The Westboro Baptist Church visited OSU's campus today - which was great, because I needed a reminder that God hates me and that my gay tendencies are sinful and wrong.  I just have a few tips for improving their organization, to do God's work and get the word out there in the most effective way possible:

1.  Spell things correctly

On their website, the WBC lists their picketing events, which is super helpful in case I ever need to know where to go to be reminded that God hates me.   They hosted an event in "Silver Springs" Maryland today - which is actually "Silver Spring" -no S on the end.  It's fine for me because I'm familiar with the area, but what if I had been looking for this protest, to remind myself of how much God hates me, and I hadn't known that?  I'd be google mapping the wrong place, and I might miss out on all the fun.

2.  Don't name your picketing tour after a rock band

Your Godsmack tour?  Yea, yea, I get it.  God wants to smack us, because we're horrible people.  I get it.  But inevitably, if you say Godsmack to me, I'm going to think of the rock band.  Don't name your picketing our after a rock band.  That's just confusing.

3.  Don't spread yourself too thin

 When there are 8 of you standing on the street corner reminding us all of our sinful ways, and 200 counter-protestors holding up signs about love and difference (ok, and one God Hates Michigan sign... you gotta love these Buckeyes) it's really hard to know which side to pick.   For those of us who need to be told what to believe, we're pretty much going to go with the majority.  I think your side would feel more convincing if there were like -hundreds of you.   And I know - you-ve got alot of places to be at once - there are alot of fags to hate, and alot of educational environments to disrupt - but why not commit to the most important one, and bring all the WBC members to one place?  You'll look much more legit. 

4.  Timing is Everything 

A college campus?  From 10-10:30am?  You've got to be kidding me.  Most of us are still sleeping off our hangover from last night, and I know those alcoholic college kids are part of what you're protesting, but it kind of seems like a wash if they're all missing your signs - they may never learn that their ways are wrong.  And, for the rest of us that had to get up at ungodly hours to be productive with our lives, well - we spiked our coffee with kahlua.  Try to catch us sober next time.   Maybe 2-2:30pm.

5.  Invest in some singing lessons

I don't need to comment further on this one, right?

Ok - I can't help it that sarcasm is my first language.  It just flows naturally to me.  But I'm going to try to speak in rational-well-adjusted-adult English for a quick sec.  These fuckers had two children with them holding up God Hates Fags signs.  And while part of me was laughing at people making fools of themselves on the street corner, I can't seem to find my sense of humor when it comes to putting hateful signs into the hands of a 10 year old.  I couldn't even bring myself to take a picture of them.  

I find it moving to see a swarm of college kids with their witty counter-protest signs, I really do.  It reminds me that while people might not be as radical in their political beliefs as I personally would hope for, most of us can recognize that the WBC is...well, fun to mock.  You hold up a sign that "You Eat Your Babies" in reference to fags, I'm going to laugh (and be a little confused, as I thought fags couldn't have babies).  But I pretty much reach my limit when I see small children with these morons.   I can't find any humor in it.

I love this Jesus kid.  Love him.